An hour at the beach...that was all we needed. That, and some prayer and a change in my attitude.
It is only Tuesday and the week has been proving to be a rough one. Yesterday was bumpy. Even in light of Sabian's offer to take Addie for a bit so I could get some things done. Even when he fixed a couple of chairs (without me asking) I wanted taken care of. Even when he offered to let me lay down while he tucked my hair behind my ear (one of my favorite things). In the midst of this he was taking care of his responsibilities at church, meeting with pastor, rushing off to visit someone in our congregation who had a family member pass away and then rushing back to eat dinner quickly before kids arrived at our house for a bible study.
All the while, I continued to fret and worry and let the things on my mind eat away at me, making me an impatient wife and mommy. I knew it was mostly me. 95%. Okay, maybe 99%. The messes and the independent toddler shouting "My do it! My turn!" about one hundred times a day didn't help, but my reactions and my frustrations weren't her fault. They were (and are) mine.
This morning we needed a diversion. Addie and I went to the beach. We were only there an hour. We dug, we ran, we swam and she held my hand as I helped her walk through the waves into the deeper water, until I had to carry her. And then, together we watched fish jumping out of the water. We caught seaweed and spun in circles and watched the jets from the air force base fly overhead. Addie practiced her floating and kicking and blowing bubbles in the salt water.
I don't want to be a fair weather mommy. I don't want to just be a "good" mom when times are good and then succumb to frustration and aggravation when we have tough days. I know there will be tough days and I'm going to be frustrated and tired and weary again. When these times threaten to overwhelm me, though, I have a choice as to how I respond. I am thankful for the moments God gives me, the split seconds when I have time to think and consider how I'll react. Unfortunately I don't always take advantage of those moments and I react negatively. In those moments I am thankful for His grace and teaching and pray that I learn for the next time.
This blogging thing can be a funny little world, but it's one where sometimes you read about someone else's day and you realize it's not just you. You may or may not read these posts, but if you need to know it's not just you, or a little encouragement might give you a little boost, then take these links for what they are...
From my friend Christine, mom of two and an all around awesome encourager and example.
A good, good reminder from Little Miss Momma, a link I found from another blog.
Encouragement and a Godly reminder for what comes first. (Cute jewelry, too!)
Either there's a common theme for what us moms are going through these days or God is pointing things out to me personally and calling me to have a greater focus on Him. Really, that's what all of this comes down to. The frustrations, aggravations, worries and bad attitudes are more evident of where my heart is, where my trust and faith are, rather than caused by the normal behavior of a growing toddler. Zing.
Sometimes I think rather than experiencing the terrible twos in our household, I'm going through the terrible thirty somethings.
If you take the time to read some of these posts, I hope they encourage you as they have me.
I am thankful for a loving and forgiving husband, for a daughter that, though she may not remember these days, loves me in spite of my faults and for a Savior who created me, loves me and offers me grace that I do not deserve but humbly accept!