Tuesday, April 24, 2012

24 weeks & more

Here I am, 24 weeks.

As I write this, I am actually now 26 weeks. I do have a 26 week photo - I'll share that a little later.

Today I am recovering from yesterday. Yesterday I was recovering from the weekend. Yesterday flashed me back to my first trimester, which is not necessarily a good thing. Along with being exhausted and generally not feeling well, add some back pain into the mix and it really was just one of those days. Today is much better, although I'm not getting much done.

Starting out, I thought this pregnancy was easier than when I was pregnant with Addie. While I didn't feel well for several weeks, I wasn't nearly as sick as I was when Addie was in my belly. I was looking forward to when I would feel more energetic, more like myself. I'm still waiting for that. Exhaustion seems to be the name of the game these days and now the back pain is making itself known here and there. I don't think I've been quite as emotional this time around, but I certainly have my days, and on those days I wonder if July 27 actually does exist.

Please don't misread me - I think I've said this before - being pregnant is an overwhelming gift. A blessing that does not escape me, and I am so thankful that I am able to experience this. It may be hard and at times uncomfortable, but I obviously recognize how miraculous this time is and how it will be over so quickly. And, knowing that this may be the last time I am pregnant, there are things about it that I want to savor.

So, you'd think I'd have started that pregnancy journal by now. Sheesh. I haven't. I think about it, but just like blogging and laundry and dishes and other tasks I have on my (wish)list, many times it falls prey to a nap or attention to Addie or simply just not being able to muster the movement it takes to roll off of the couch. I have so many things I need to get down on paper and I just need to do it. Before I know it, the elusive July 27 will be here and then, well then I suppose I really won't have the time!

Productivity may not be high these days, but I am so thankful for my husband. After the busyness that he's involved in throughout his days, he still comes home ready to pick up where I've left off. Or, more appropriately, where I've just left whatever, wherever. Even if he comes home and the kitchen is dark and the stove is cold, he's ready to cook or hang with Addie so that I can cook.

It's hard on me, not being productive, not crossing things off of my list, not being the mommy to Addie that I feel like I should be right now or a more attentive wife to Sabian. In many ways, and not just because of being pregnant, I feel like life is in a bit of a holding pattern right now. I'm reminding myself that I need to be present, I need to be content in the here and now. Even on those days when taking a shower wears me out and I think, "Will I make it 'til lunch?" I have to remind myself of the source from which I gather my strength. And even then I am reminded I need to be spending more time in prayer and Bible study. I may have an excuse to skip a load of laundry here and there, or order a pizza instead of making dinner, but there's really no excuse for shortchanging myself of that quiet time.

Where we are is good, it's just a different place. We're so excited about adding -insert baby name here- to our family and I can't wait to see Addie in her new role as big sister. Yesterday, as we were hanging out in her hippo tent in the living room, she reached over and started to gently pat my belly. No words, just sweet, little pats. As much as I would've liked to have captured it on camera, there are just some things that you enjoy in the moment, and that was one of them.

So, here we are, just trying to enjoy these moments.

I am thankful for these moments - the good, the bad, the sweet, the bumpy.

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