Our life is not all beach visits and trips to the park.
I have a two year old who throws fits from time to time, is still learning how to share and, on some nights, will still get in and out of bed a few times before she's really down for the night.
I'm not writing this in response to a nasty email I've received about how I perfectly portray our life here. Rather, I'm writing it in response to what's been on my mind lately.
Monday was a blah day. It was easy to focus on everything that is wrong in the world. I didn't feel like doing anything and it was one of those days when we just got through the day. (Note: the rest of the week has been much better.)
Days like Monday cause me to think about why the day is like it is. Or maybe, why my mood is the way it is. Then, as our minds tend to work, our thoughts branch off into stem after stem after stem. I started thinking about my blog.
I thought about some recent posts I'd read on other blogs I follow. Recent as in the last couple of months, but these posts have been similar in nature and two of them I've just read in the last couple of weeks.
It's that idea of reality. Of how we choose to use our blogs, what we choose to write. The picture we choose to paint of our lives via the blogosphere. Bloggers write for different reasons. I chose to start my blog as a way to let family and friends know what was going on with us. I'd wanted to start a blog before we moved, before we were even thinking of a move, but felt I didn't have much of a platform from which to write. Once we moved, I got pregnant and we were experiencing a lot of life far from home, it seemed I had a reason to write. I knew it would be to a small audience, but that was fine. I also knew that in the end, it would be fun to look back and read about our experiences.
These particular blog posts I've been reading lately have caused me to think more about why I write and what I write. I like to write. I've written to make a living and now I do it for fun. (Granted, I would like to do it for money again at some point, but I digress...)
I never intended for this blog to be my personal journal. I have a journal. While I don't always get to write in it on a consistent basis, for me, my blog and journal are two separate things. Don't misunderstand me - I'm not knocking those who do use their blogs as journals and in a way, a blog is a sort of journal by its very nature. But, this does bring me to the point, I guess, I have been mulling over.
Transparency. I struggle with it. I appreciate it it in others and I often feel somewhat honored when I recognize that a person has chosen to be transparent with me. I take it as a compliment. As much as I desire it in my relationships I often find it hard to reciprocate. I'm working on it, but that's what it is...a work in progress.
Maybe this has been brought to light more since I've spent a lot of time out of my comfort zone in the last three years. New place, new people, new experiences. It can be easier to be open with people you've known a while, which is what I left behind. Transparency means admitting faults, bad habits...makes you vulnerable. Ugh.
But, if I desire it in other people, I need to be able to return it, right? Well, I believe so, anyway, especially if I desire to form healthy, open, growing relationships. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not ready to proclaim my foibles to the masses, but like I said...a work in progress.
Not to worry, I'm not about to start using this blog as a platform for my deepest, darkest secrets. But, I do desire it to be real. Of course I want to tell you about our good days and the fun we have and the interesting things that happen in this small town, but I guess it is important for me for you to know that our life is still life...ups, downs, twists and turns abound in the Chaney family. And of course, unless my account is hacked by an evil stalker, I'll always be able to filter what I write on here - I mean, I know that you may want to know about a recent trip we took but I'm not going to detail how many times I brushed my teeth or whether or not I swept and mopped my floors this week.
To you, this post may come across as completely unnecessary, and that's okay. To me, I wanted and needed to write it. As much as I like blogging, at times I go back and forth with it - how to use it, what to do with it, stop, keep going...whatever I do with it, I want it to be fun, I want it to be real and I want to be able to speak the truth.
On a more lighthearted note, Addie and I went on a little adventure yesterday that I am looking forward to writing about. Hope to do it next week. We're in for a busy weekend and then looking forward to Illinois visitors next week!
Today I am thankful for you guys. I know my readership isn't huge, isn't even big, but I appreciate all of you.
A calm-before-the-storm photo!