Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Let's play a little catch up

According to my last post before Olive arrived, I was about to roll over to 35 weeks in my pregnancy. Sheesh, seems like a lifetime ago now!

So, a little catch up before we can move on to the current happenings in our household.

At 36 weeks I had another ultrasound to check Olive's (at that time, still not 100% named) position. Sabian was not able to go to this appointment with me so it was just me, Addie and my growing belly. I was a little apprehensive about this since Addie would be sitting through the ultrasound with me and no Daddy to keep her from dismantling the place. She was awesome. She did so well, even when my ultrasound ran long as they were trying to get a good read on the baby's diaphragm movement. Not only that, but I still had to see the doctor after my ultrasound and then unexpectedly had to stay for a non stress test. This appointment was running much longer than normal and Addie was picture perfect through it all.

The verdict of this visit - baby was head down. Down? I was not expecting this news. I wasn't disappointed, rather, I was thrown for a loop. I fully expected to hear that she was still head up and it was time to schedule a C-section.

While I wasn't disappointed, the planner in me was now thinking of all of the possible scenarios that were presenting themselves - would I go into labor on my own? If so, when? Would I know/remember what to do? Should we go ahead and schedule a C-section, just in case? How long do we/can we wait? 

The next couple of weeks passed uneventfully. In fact, Sabian was at camp with our youth kids one of those weeks. I had been dreading that week, given that I was so far along and would be solely responsible for Addie while wielding my huge, aching self. But, thanks to great friends and plans I had made to keep us busy, the week passed quickly and without the appearance of baby.

At my 39 week appointment it appeared that Olive was still head down, but there wasn't much progress being made toward labor. We decided to go ahead and schedule the C-section. I was hoping to schedule on my due date, the 27th, which would give her another week to work on coming on her own, as well as giving me the reassurance that we waited as long as we could. Between scheduling the hospital and the doctors, Tuesday the 24th was going to be the day we were able to do it. I went home that day feeling a little uneasy. It was only three days early, but I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe it just wasn't the right day.

I'm a terrible decision maker. It doesn't matter what it is - which restaurant to have dinner, which color shirt to buy...what day to have a baby?

By that evening I'd told Sabian that I would likely call the doctor on Monday, cancel the C-section, schedule a regular doctor's appointment on my actual due date and then go from there. This would mean if I did have a C-section that it would send us into the week after my due date, but I felt like at least we'd have given her long enough to get here on her own, just like we did when Addie was born.

To be honest, part of me was a little scared. I just wanted to do the right thing. I've said that I really struggled when it came to the point that we knew we'd have to have a C-section with Addie. It just wasn't the way it was supposed to happen and I wanted her to pick the day, not us. But then once it was said and done, it was all smooth, I was fine and she was healthy and perfect. Since I'd already gone through all of that I didn't feel so torn up about it this time...but I still wondered if there was a right or wrong way to go about this.

I did pray about it and I really felt God knew my heart and my desires. The next morning I woke up and as I was laying in bed, thinking about everything, I felt a confirmation. Just the night before I thought I had a plan, but this very next morning I knew what was confirmed, and that was to keep our appointment for the 24th to meet our little girl.

So, our plans were in motion. I had two wonderful families who would be taking care of Addie for us while we were in the hospital, our bags were packed and, as if on cue, my nesting instinct had kicked in the week before. Granted, it might have been nice if I'd felt it in the months before, rather than just a few days before, but it did prompt me to get the house clean and do some other things that just had to be done. Thankfully, this time, as opposed to when I had Addie, it didn't mean painting anything.

Olive's birthday week also happened to be the week of our vacation bible school at church. It meant that we had to take a backseat to helping, but it also meant that Addie would have something to look forward to each night.

This was a tough thing, leaving Addie. While Sabian has been away on various trips in her three years, the two of us haven't spent a night apart. It's just worked out that way. I was comforted knowing she was in excellent hands and had prepared her in the weeks preceding Olive's debut, so she knew what was going to happen. I had no worries that she would do well, but me...well, if I thought about it, really thought about it, the tears came knocking. But, when it came down to the time for us to go, I was fine, mostly because I think I'd gotten all of that out of the way and was excited to move forward as our family of four, and also because I was so thankful for those who were pitching in to help us out and I knew Addie was going to have fun.

That brings us to Olive's actual birthday, which I think deserves a post all its own.

I am thankful for God's timing and confirmation and that He recognizes the desires of our hearts.

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